¡Hola Familia y Amigos!
What a week it has been! Last update was last Monday! So much has happened, so I will try to be concise with my words. Although, I’ve never been too good at that, so buckle up!
Last week started off pretty rough… There have been some fairly significant miscommunications at the office. I walked in on my first day and truly had no idea who was a volunteer (missionary that runs the business) and who was an employee (woman escaping exploitation). Especially amongst the volunteer leaders, I didn’t know who was in charge of what. Everyone comes from different countries and cultures, so it wasn’t super obvious for most of them. Long story short, I had conversations with whom seemed to be in charge about what I thought was best for the business as far as social media, and then I went from there. After getting the green light (apparently from the wrong person), I deleted all the past content on the social media account. The next day, I was faced with a conversation from the actual social media & marketing leader that I should not have done that. Thus, my most dreaded feeling and one I avoid at all costs — FAILURE. I felt like such a failure. I came here to HELP the business, not to HURT it.
I felt so defeated. I don’t know the ins and outs of social media marketing… to be honest, I took this on because they said their accounts needed help and most of their sales are from Americans, to which I said “Hey, I know what Americans look for and what they’ll stop scrolling for!” I am no pro at Instagram, that is for sure! So, apparently, deleting all past posts did more damage in the internet world than I ever knew. Here again, feeling so, so bad.
I’m not going to lie, I was down about this for a few hours. I don’t like to disappoint people. I kept trying to shake it off, but my pride was injured. Pride should have had no place in this scenario, but it did and that’s just me being honest. Soon enough, a sweet little face came in with their mommy to play, and then another, and then another! It’s hard to be defeated when you see those faces. That was all I needed and it was off to work to “fix” the “problem”. (I put those in quotes because as time has gone on, I believe this “problem” was truly a blessing)
After work the next day, my new friend, Angelina, and I went on an adventure! Angelina Ballerina is our designer for the business and she is from Sweden. On this adventure, we brought about 6 different purses with us, and ran around Athens taking photos! It was so fun. I really feel like I can be myself with her. We ended the evening with a drink, dinner, and a view of the Acropolis.
The following evening after work, George and I got coffee. George is one of the missionary volunteer leaders and also a Greek local, born and raised. He wanted to get to know me, which honestly meant so much to me. I was a little surprised he was the first person to be so intentional about figuring out who the heck this random American girl is. I found it interesting that I just came out here and jumped in and very well could have been a psychopath and no one would have really known. Haha, although, I know I had Greek friends here who knew me and were voguing for me and my character. That must’ve been why no one really questioned me. Either way, it was nice that someone wanted to know about me and what brought me here.
My time with Jorge was really refreshing. I call him Jorge because when he speaks Greek and I can’t understand, I like to speak to him in Spanish and show him how I feel! Haha! Side note about Jorge: in my life, I find that I come across people who I just have to mess with. When my personality meets theirs, a lot of banter is to be had. Jorge is one of those people.
Anyways, he first asked me what brought me here and why I am here. I know the series of events that occurred to literally get me to Greece, but God’s hand behind it all was something still being revealed. As for why I am here– who the heck knows! At this point, I wasn’t sure this was God’s will at all! Jorge eventually brought up the social media situation and his awareness of how I responded to it. Looooongggg coffee session short, I knew deep down it wasn’t my fault. I knew it was an honest miscommunication that was not on me because I didn’t really know who was in charge of what. However, I projected blame onto myself for many reasons: I am a perfectionist who doesn’t fail well, I didn’t want to be thought of as someone who did a bad job, I didn’t want to be the one who brought trouble or burden on a business that I’m not going to be involved with forever, and it was easier to put the blame on myself than to have anyone else feel that burden of failure.
The longer we talked and the more intentional the questions he asked, the more I realized this is so much less about the mistake, and so much more about how I want to be perceived by others. There are specific types of personalities in this world that are so strong in certain areas, that they make me feel weak and helpless and submissive. There are others that do not evoke those responses in me at all; those are the ones to which I cling. Feeling like I didn’t live up to the expectations of the personality that intimidates me, induced a response in me that was neither accurate of the situation, nor a representation of the woman I want to be.
Let me explain this a little further. The dominating trait of my personality is strong, opinionated, attentive to detail, leader-oriented, achievement-focused, and bold. All these characteristics are driven by a deep desire for perfection, which leads to a strong need to please people, win people over, impress people, be thought of as an amazing person, help people, never let anyone down, etc. This is a way I have approached others throughout my whole life, but this is the first time I have been able to put it into words. I verbally processed this with Jorge and he shared with me truth in a way I have never before heard it. I am still processing and praying through that truth and maybe I will share more about that once I do.
Either way, being invested in and counseled was very nice and much needed. I can definitely see God is doing something in me and through me in Greece.
P.S. I didn’t even tell you about my time with the women this week or what I did this weekend! Ahh, okay, that’s for the next update 🙂
Xoxo,
Hannah from California
Hannah in the Homeland 