This trip has been a challenge for me in so many ways, one particular way that has surprised me is in the area of doing things by myself. I have never felt like I was the type of person that always needed a buddy to go to the store or to church or anything; I would consider myself pretty independent. Although, I had never done this much on my own before this trip. I have not only flown across the world by myself, but I have navigated public transportation in a foreign language, ventured all over the city, discovered new shops and farmers markets, gone to workout in a public city park, found my way home after dark (shhh.. Mom don’t read that), and I’ve done it all by myself! The amount of things I do by myself on a daily basis here is insane. –Oh and I do not get to look at my phone for comfort when I am out by myself; I don’t have data out here. [Side note: How many times do we use our phones as a security blanket for feeling alone? I don’t even think we know when we’re doing it anymore.] For the most part, I really enjoy and feel comfortable doing things on my own. Although, there are a few things that are harder than others:
One example of a time I found it difficult to be alone, was last weekend. I went to see my Aunt in Voula and from there, I was invited to a friend’s house on the outskirts of the city. The other two friends going to this house were leaving from the city where we all live, but I was leaving from the coast. I decided to look up a bus ahead of time so I knew when to get to the bus stop and which one to take. I will save you the frustrating details — more so, I want to save myself from having to relive them — it took so long and I still didn’t find it. I was afraid to ask people for help (even though I do that in the states all the time), I was embarrassed by my lack of Greek. (Mom, skip this part, too) I didn’t know where I was going. I was on some bus going some direction for some amount of time. I didn’t hear the stop I was listening for because I think it went by a different name than what I thought. Eventually, my gut just told me to get off before I get any further. I eventually found a coffee shop with WiFi and called my friend with a car to come get me. I was only 10 minutes from my destination, which I was honestly proud about because of the struggle it was to get there. It was a good thing I got up the courage to ask for directions because each and every person I spoke with was of TREMENDOUS help and SO KIND!
The other night, I went to grab some food by the Acropolis. There’s a certain side of it that I haven’t been on since I was here two years ago, so I wanted to go over there again. I took back roads and saw random pieces of ruins around every corner. It was honestly amazing. I started to get really hungry, but I couldn’t walk up to a restaurant and eat by myself, especially not here in this tourist zone. I don’t know why eating alone was difficult for me, but it was especially hard on this night. I walked and walked along adorable streets until I eventually got up the courage to sit down and eat. By this point, it was about midnight. Here, people eat dinner around 10:00 pm, and where I was in town they eat even later, so this wasn’t that weird.
I decided on this place because of the prices and the host was really accommodating; he set me up with a perfect view of the Acropolis. He treated me like a queen and gave me some pretty hefty wine samples (way too big to call them samples, haha) when I simply asked what kind of wine they were. I know he was doing it for my money and I also know he was trying to flatter me, but it made taking the plunge so much easier. The people next to me spoke English and we had a wonderful conversation… until they asked me about Trump. (That happens way too often here. I thought I got away from all the people that are obsessed with talking about Trump… guess not..) Honestly, I gave them enough and then side-stepped that conversation. All in all, it wasn’t so scary after all. It definitely was eye-opening to observe how difficult that was for me though. I am glad I am here to challenge myself in this way.
Tonight, I wanted to go to this “workout park” that people had told me about. My physical, bodily tension and anxiety was telling me I was overdue for a solid workout, and I was. After work, I was so tired and everything was closed telling me it was siesta time. So, I decided to do as the Athenians: I napped! When I woke up, I still wanted to workout, but I was suddenly insecure about navigating the tram by myself to a place I have never been by myself and working out there by myself. I’ll be honest with you, I left my place with my hat and headphones on and didn’t take them off until I got home. They were my security blanket and I will not lie about that.
Oh, I am so glad I went. It was amazing!! I didn’t think Greeks really worked out, but there were so many people there; even personal training sessions and group sessions going on, it was alive! I got my endorphin high that I haven’t felt in a long time and it made me feel way more confident going home. …So confident, I even thought about running home (I took the tram to get there, so that was the endorphins talking forsure). I cannot believe I almost didn’t go in the first place.
Every time I get nervous to go explore by myself, it has always been worth it in the end. It’s never as scary as I thought it would be and it’s always time well spent. It always comes down to fear; fear of getting lost and not being able to communicate with an English speaker to get home, fear of what other people are thinking because I look different than them, fear of looking pathetic for sitting somewhere alone, etc. This fear comes in waves, but so does security and confidence. When I am feeling confident, I walk taller, I don’t care who’s looking at me, I feel free, and I enjoy myself. And again, it’s always worth it in the end.
Until next time,
Hannah xoxo
Hannah in the Homeland 